NO LONGER

November, day 26th, 2013
Since our awful dispute and since my brother punched my husband, I knew that I no longer needed, that my husband has never been expected in this family clan, that we’re hated. Sharp words my Brother threw over my husband and I  added with Mom nodded her head agreed with my Brother’s words, has made all clear – that we’re unwanted, has made me understand that I no longer have family – friend – or even someone to rely on. I no longer have anything, it seem Mom as if has just died in front of me and I now become an Orphan. In the end I realize, why my body shrink to thin this late one year, is because I have refused my instinct from hearing what my heart screamed about, that it screamed about unhappiness that I’ve been going through. So now, after all have happened, I know…. That I have to leave. Because that’s what my Brother shouted at us “We want you to leave, out…! out … !”

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AMY TAN – WHAT I LIKE AND DISLIKE ABOUT HER BOOKS

Who doesn’t know Amy Tan?
An American  writer that I ‘found’ few years ago, maybe around 2007-2008 somewhere in the book shop. I was bored, nothing to do, even I don’t understand why I was there confused. I scanned the books one by one and without reading it synopsis I put it back to the shelf, then move and doing the same. I didn’t know what book I wanted to read and why must ‘book’, why not ice-cream, going somewhere nice to clear my rotten-brain, or hang-out with friends (which I hate it), or even worse : smoking marijuana (which I’ve never tried it). The question is : Why ‘BOOK’ I was looking for whenever I feel confuse, lonely, angry or bored?

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DEAR GODDESS OF DEATH

Dear Goddess of Death
I think You should have taken me along ago in that river, it should be me and not my twin. If I knew You let me alive just to face this bitterness, I would have been commited suicide when there was a right time. Why must I facing these people? Why must putting me side by side with them? If You think that I might grow wiser and would be much stronger than before, You are wrong ! This making me sick – I’m tired !

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MOMMY’S BIG SON BACK

My one and the only brother in the world – Joseph – has just arrived at 5 in the afternoon, right after I got back from the market. Oh yeah, I forgot to update the latest news of his, that he’s going to open some kind of “bag-boutique” next to Dad’s store. He looked slenderer since been living in Jakarta. He is here now, back to this city, back to Mommy’s and Daddy’s embrace. I won’t be surprise if then I heard all the money flushed on to his new business is come from Mom and Dad.

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WHAT IS IT MATTER BEING FRIEND WITH A LESBIAN?

Something’s happened today, something that has touched me  this afternoon.
My friend Corry came over, putted out a thing through her comely bag. It is a black plastic bundle which secretly aimed  towards me, just like a drug secret business – done without eye contact.
“From Malaysia” she whispered and flickered.
I stunned while gazing to that bundle then moving at her, “Thank you..” that’s only I could say.
She smiled then walking back towards her bench across mine. Doubtful I start opening the bundle, peeping in to it and I found something like a note book and a brooch. I hastened hiding the bundle in to my rucksack as Samantha, a friend who came with me to this cafe suddenly appeared and sat next to me. Once again, I glanced at Corry but she pretended as if she’s busy with her book.

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