Since our awful dispute and since my brother punched my husband, I knew that I no longer needed, that my husband has never been expected in this family clan, that we’re hated. Sharp words my Brother threw over my husband and I added with Mom nodded her head agreed with my Brother’s words, has made all clear – that we’re unwanted, has made me understand that I no longer have family – friend – or even someone to rely on. I no longer have anything, it seem Mom as if has just died in front of me and I now become an Orphan. In the end I realize, why my body shrink to thin this late one year, is because I have refused my instinct from hearing what my heart screamed about, that it screamed about unhappiness that I’ve been going through. So now, after all have happened, I know…. That I have to leave. Because that’s what my Brother shouted at us “We want you to leave, out…! out … !”
Who doesn’t know Amy Tan?
An American writer that I ‘found’ few years ago, maybe around 2007-2008 somewhere in the book shop. I was bored, nothing to do, even I don’t understand why I was there confused. I scanned the books one by one and without reading it synopsis I put it back to the shelf, then move and doing the same. I didn’t know what book I wanted to read and why must ‘book’, why not ice-cream, going somewhere nice to clear my rotten-brain, or hang-out with friends (which I hate it), or even worse : smoking marijuana (which I’ve never tried it). The question is : Why ‘BOOK’ I was looking for whenever I feel confuse, lonely, angry or bored?
I think You should have taken me along ago in that river, it should be me and not my twin. If I knew You let me alive just to face this bitterness, I would have been commited suicide when there was a right time. Why must I facing these people? Why must putting me side by side with them? If You think that I might grow wiser and would be much stronger than before, You are wrong ! This making me sick – I’m tired !
My one and the only brother in the world – Joseph – has just arrived at 5 in the afternoon, right after I got back from the market. Oh yeah, I forgot to update the latest news of his, that he’s going to open some kind of “bag-boutique” next to Dad’s store. He looked slenderer since been living in Jakarta. He is here now, back to this city, back to Mommy’s and Daddy’s embrace. I won’t be surprise if then I heard all the money flushed on to his new business is come from Mom and Dad.
Something’s happened today, something that has touched me this afternoon.
My friend Corry came over, putted out a thing through her comely bag. It is a black plastic bundle which secretly aimed towards me, just like a drug secret business – done without eye contact.
“From Malaysia” she whispered and flickered.
I stunned while gazing to that bundle then moving at her, “Thank you..” that’s only I could say.
She smiled then walking back towards her bench across mine. Doubtful I start opening the bundle, peeping in to it and I found something like a note book and a brooch. I hastened hiding the bundle in to my rucksack as Samantha, a friend who came with me to this cafe suddenly appeared and sat next to me. Once again, I glanced at Corry but she pretended as if she’s busy with her book.