Maybe you still remember your childhood. Where you were taught to saving up a little penny into your Piggy Bank. I was also taught like that. Until today I still have a Piggy and saving some everyday, usually it tragically ended up spent to nowhere, said I spend it to buy something not benefinicial, unnecessary stuff.

And today, as I revealed about financial collapse I experiencing recently, I thought this big fat Piggy Bank I bought early this year, as a good solution that can take me out from this situation. I already realise this since a week before that soon I have to say goodbye. This is the end of the month some bills  must have to be paid and I have no choice but to break Piggy into pieces to collect what I have saved up for months.

I watch my China, it flying away, slowly.
Maybe not this year, I said to myself.

No, I’m not sad.
Contrary I relieved that I have this piggy with me. China will wait for me it won’t go anywhere for sure.



It’s  rainy season and it’s been 3 months today. But I love rain, really I do.
When I was a child, I loved to imagine myself sitting infront the window opened widely while watching the rain falls. Maybe because that time I had no window just like in my imagination. The situation of my room window was like this : if you open it,a thing you could see is a view of neighbour’s house high-wall which was a symbol of limitation between our house and their house. And there’s nothing else except the wall.

Today it still raining, and this feeling I really love so, it always appears when rain start falling… I feel Peace and quiet.
So I start to disassamble my old CD Collections and my eyes stopped on one CD compilation. There’s a kind of  doubtful when I want to play it but then I assure myself, “I still survive, so don’t worry…”

I neglected tens of song lists and jumped on to this song, “BOTH SIDE NOW”
This is silly when finally I motivated to find out what exactly this song is telling about so I google it.
I was stunned, even when it lyric has spreaded out infront of me, still I don’t know what this song is telling about and why I was once sobbed ’til I wanted to die ?! Continue reading


I attended family meeting this evening. This gonna be a big family meeting because my future sister in law’s family are also attending this meeting in order to discuss the right time to perform my brother’s wedding, Joseph, my mother’s “the one and only son”.

And it’s true,
when I got there, the house already full of people and of course, like usual, I’m late and dinner time has already begun. Mom who firstly saw my presence instantly invited me to join in. Why not? The foods, fruits and beverages seen fantastic for my empty stomach.

But in this opportunity, I’m not intend to write about foods, fruits or the whole stuff connecting with the family meeting. I think there’s more important thing to share here, it is about my nephew and how the time changes his naturalness.

Joe, that’s his name.
Joe is my brother’s son from his first marriage with his former wife. So this is his second marriage indeed, which is mean my brother’s future wife soon will be a new mother for Joe or he usually called her as “A Bought Mother”

Continue reading


I have to admit that I’m broke now.

I know this is tragic. I don’t know how to manage things, I don’t know where all my money gone and I don’t know how to handle this situation. I’m not a gambler, I even not a shopaholic.

I have debt in the bank, I facing the situation where my business showing an uncertainty condition day by day. It changes me to be a sensisitive person, I can easily get angry or feel offended sometimes with no reason. How tired I feel now….

I went to my auntie, she said the best thing I can do is to give it all to God and pray alot. Then I visited my old friend, she even surprised and didn’t believe that I’m dying financially. Then the topic switched to our times when we were still in the high school. I came to my sister and trying to  pour out all my anxiety, she listened but then said “we are alike, I have the same problem too…”. Mom doesn’t help me enough, instead of giving me a way out, she complain alot about how wasteful I am. So … All those visiting are wasted. Continue reading