I’m unemployment now and it feels like a hell. Not because I can’t afford for my needs but merely I feel something freed from my life. It’s been one month since I quit and for that long I keep pretending as if I’m still ‘exist’.

In the morning I pretend as if I’m in hurried infact I’m not, I’m totally free now!
I dressed up neatly, I also have prepared the answer (just incase) the old lady next door asking me where to go, I’d answer “Working”.

When I’m outside, I wonder : where should I go?
Maybe I’ve been 30 times sitting around at the same book store, or lunch at the same cafe, or just walking around to the different Malls but finally ended up to the first one when all have been visited by me.

When I’m out there, I have had set the time. Right on 6pm I’d be home and also have prepared the answer (just incase) the old lady next door asking, “how was work?” – I’d say “Very busy”

And there’s a time when I finally bored with all lies I have created. The more fed up when I realized that it wasn’t that old lady that I have lied to, but also (and the worse) to ME.

My friend called me one day (a week after I was fired). She said, “I arranging a small party at Smile Cafe at 3 pm tomorrow. I know you must be busy, but can you arrange your time for attending my party?”
That time I’d like to scream to say “I will coming” but I said nothing and very sorry to hear the word “busy” from her. So the day after, I came at 3.30 just to prove that I damn so busy. Friends were surprised to see me wearing not a uniform just like I usually did. I used to attend a meeting or party straight from my office without changing my uniform.

Today, if I remember all, thing I can do is shaking my head. Too sad to know that I no longer working, but the most sadden is when I realize that I lied to myself instead of  facing this reality.

And today, I feel relieved since I made a confess to one of my friend about everything. It’s a big surprise for me to know that she didn’t take it as a big issue, on the contrary she fully understand about the hard situation today and told me that many labors are fired and homed. God! If I knew that it would be this simple, I wouldn’t lie to everyone include to myself.


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