“Messenger” Friend

I introduced with a girl who is living near Indonesia. I know where she lives but she doesn’t know where do I reside at. It’s quite far indeed.
Then why don’t I just telling her ?

Listen,
Maybe I got a “secret” disease. I like to let her or the people guessing about me. Like her, the more she asking where do I live, the more I make it as a puzzle, and I will laugh while clapping.

But,
When she stops asking about my identity, it makes me feels like I’m circling in my own puzzle, filling it self, gueesing it self. It gives me headache. Inside I’m screaming aloud, “Hey, why don’t you asking me more and more?”

I’m so excited as I got at home, can’t wait untill I sit infront the computer.
Few hours before, I have made a draft about what would I say if she ask this or if she ask that. I’ve had set all in my mind.

Then here I am, starting the screen… Hope she’s online.
But she’s not.
Today she’s dissapeard, another day she’s available.
When she’s online, I find something different. I feel more happy, feels like I have met an old friend who has been long time no see. But she’s not a real friend I thought. She’s just a friend through the messenger, through chatting!
She’s not real – but seems so real.
I never seen her face, but she seems like standing infront of me.
When she’s not here/online, I feel something escaped out of my soul.

Then I realize the reasons…
The reason why do I feel excited hurry back home, not because it’s like “Home Sweet Home”, but she’s the reason indeed…
The reason why recently I keep the PC clean and never let the dust perch on it even a little.
She’s the reason why do I feel like I have a sister that I’ve been missed.
She’s the reason why this lonely abolished out of my life.

But she’s dissapeard. Where is she ?
Actually, I trapped in the puzzle I made myself.
I thought I could make her curious, eventually I fell down in to the hole digged by myself. Poor me…

And now I know, she’s the reason why do I feel my life is so useful.
And I long for my “messenger” friend.
Hope she’s reading this and realize how I very regret….

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